It’s not easy…It’s not bloody easy!
I literally still ‘keep smelling fire’ everywhere.
The thing that I seem to dread most are the fire alarms! Not just because you have to evacuate immediately but the thought of fire keeps getting me back to “the night of the fire”. I hadn’t really dealt with how and what I had left back home. It felt right to concentrate on myself and follow what I have always wanted to do at that moment. But, as the time draws closer to go back for the holidays, my thoughts keep going back to the brick and mortar house that I need to still make a “home”.
While I get immersed in my creative life- getting out of my comfort zone and experimenting without a care of “what will others like”, personally I am getting very lonely and it sucks! Not one to make friends easily, I find myself getting more inside my cocoon- from my room(on campus) to classes and back. It doesn’t really help when the days get shorter..well it does start getting grey by 3.30 pm.
All those “you are really brave” moments fall flat and i feel like a little mouse in a burrow (ok..that’s a little exaggerated). It does get lonely. Walking around the beautifully decorated Christmassy Bournemouth square and eating all the yummies possible has finally lost its charm. Now I find myself roaming aimlessly just happy with a rare friendly nod. The Xmas cheer around doesn’t help either and I’m longing to be amidst family. Unlike a younger person going to a new place, raring to create a new life, new friends, the disadvantage of leaving home at a mature age is that you have already ‘been there’ ‘done that’ and even if you are very happy making new friends, you miss the old familiar faces of family and friends with whom you are already so deeply invested in. But I guess..i had expected that.
Now that I’ve jumped in the deep end, I HAVE to swim.
So that’s why the treat!
Dublin- to my Devi! Total mommy mode.
And what a treat!Its sometimes nice to tread on the kids’ territories to really see what they are made of. I was instantly inducted to her ‘close friends’ circle after one night with them. “Mom, we actually had a blast with you, you aren’t bad at all!”So at least being with much younger course mates made me good friends with my daughter! She made my Tinder account with her friends- beat that! 😂
4 days with her, following her while she takes charge, mollycoddling me for a change..is definitely the best way I would’ve liked to kick start my birthday week…and her birthday month (that seems to take priority every time I mention my birthday)
Refreshed now and looking forward to the mad hatter called Archana coming to visit me.
Comments